Waneshka Mendez

ENGL 11000

LL Narrative Draft

My first language was Spanish; I spoke it at home, outside, and even at school when I first  started attending. Growing up, I was never taught how to speak English until I was about five or six years old. When I did start speaking English, I had a lot of difficulty with it; there were many phrases and words that I did not fully understand at that time; there were many times where I got stuck in conversation because I did not know what to say. All throughout elementary and middle school I struggled with how to speak to certain people; everything I said came off as authoritative or disrespectful. Now even though I was better at one language than the other, I spoke both languages, so I was able to call myself bilingual. Eventually, I started to make friends who forced me to speak English undeterred by the accent, despite using the wrong words, and even despite coming off as authoritative. I quickly overcame the difficulties I had in the beginning. Now being able to speak, read, and write both languages, I can say that this experience has both helped me and lowered my self-esteem. Now that I spoke English, I only spoke it outside of my house being school, with my friends, my teachers, and doctors; at home I spoke Spanish only.

By the time I started my middle school career, I had already been speaking both languages fluently, so I only really struggled with putting both languages in one sentence. I will never forget the presentation I had to do in my social studies class. I had to explain the 27 amendments, what they meant, how we got them and an example of how we can use them. Within the first couple minutes of my presentation, I was explaining the first ten amendments which are called the Bill of Rights. I was explaining the 4^th amendment, when I said, “You have the right to say no to a police officer cuando no tienen a warrant.” Basically, I was saying you can deny a police officer of a search of anything if the officer does not have a warrant. The majority of the class understood what I wanted to say, but I still heard the chuckles, the holding back of laughs, and the silent whispering. Everything being done by my classmates and so-called friends made me embarrassed. I was ashamed to even have tried to be one of the first to present. This made me feel so disconnected from everybody, I had to pause for the teacher to quiet down the class. Before continuing with the slideshow, I had to take a pause, I stuttered, they laughed again. I remember it was a chilly Tuesday morning, I bit my tongue and looked at my teacher, hoping she would see the tears forming in my eyes and give me permission to end my presentation and excuse me, which she did. I went to my counselor who knew I already felt disconnected; After that day, I had a discussion with myself in the mirror and promised myself that I would improve my English and never let people frustrate me because of the way I speak. Till this day, I have not let anybody lower my confidence with how I speak. When I think about that moment it makes me think about the stories my mom used to tell me about when she first came to America and how she felt alone because of the language barrier.

At home, I was most comfortable communicating with my sisters in Spanish, one of them especially. Throughout the years, the activities we do with one another let it be cooking, shopping, or even chilling right next to each other, the small number of words exchanged are spoken in Spanish. She and I have learned and understood each other’s boundaries by having long conversations, sometimes hours long, entirely in Spanish, mainly during COVID. Because we spent the entire quarantine together, we made it a priority to learn how to speak to each other and respect one another’s feelings. We told each other every time we were feeling any kind of emotion, we would tell each other so we do not overstep any boundaries. Being able to speak it to each other helped us a great deal with learning more about each other.

I did not think I would ever actually need the knowledge I have on the Spanish language until my first year of high school and I had to take an Italian class. This was a graduation requirement, so there was no way I could get out of it. When the teacher began to teach the class how to count, she said,” uno, due, tre, quattro, cinque, etc.” She went around having each kid count to five and when it was my turn I said, uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco.” In that class I knew my accent would not be a problem but an asset, she said, “that is Spanish not Italian. I know it sounds similar, but you just have to change some of the doing.” She really made me feel as if my knowing Spanish was already going to be put to good use. Throughout the semester she would use and teach me examples in Spanish, so she was sure I was still understanding the material. Once it was clear I understood the Spanish reference she switched certain parts of it and turned it into Italian so now I understand it in Italian as well. I was immensely proud of myself by the end of that semester because I had ended up passing that class with excellence thanks to my teacher and my knowledge in Spanish.